1. Men don’t like snobs or snobby behavior; they interpret it as rejection. Always remember, there’s a big difference between sexy self confidence and a turn-off holier-than-thou attitude.
2. Men will choose a neat and presentable girl over a good-looking girl. There’s no point in dating a Gisele lookalike if she’s dressed like a hooker. That being said, even if your man enjoys you being the biggest b**** in bed, you better be a lady in public. Men take no pride in boasting a hooker-lookalike girlfriend; for starters, his friends will either make fun of him or make jokes about banging her.
3. Stop worrying about your silly tick or your wide hips or splits ends or small breasts. When a man truly really likes you, he’ll ignore all your bad characteristics.
4. Never underestimate a man’s attention to detail. If you have Sasquatch toes, he’ll run away. If you have hairy arms or armpits or moustache, he’ll run away. If you have crooked homeless guy teeth, he’ll run away. If you have fart breath, he’ll run away. And although women may tolerate some body odor on men, it doesn’t work the other way around. If you stink, your man will run away. Men love the sweet smell of a woman’s skin and hair so make sure you don’t smell like sweat!
5. Yes, women hate it when men compare them to their mother; but weirdly enough a man is attracted to a woman that reminds him of his mother (Oedipus much?), so if you feel his mother is an evil b***, you’re most likely an evil b*** too.
6. Keep in mind that:
Men cry too, they just don’t make a dramatic Shakespearean show out of it like women do.
A man can be infatuated by you for five minutes, then forget you for the remainder of his existence.
Men will go crazy over a woman’s smile.
When a man tells you he doesn’t understand you, it’s because you’re not thinking the way he is.
Whether he’s lazy or super hard-working, every man has dreams bigger than his ego.
When a guy keeps teasing you, it means he’s into you.
Men love their moms. Men hate gays.
7. Never underestimate or question a man’s ability or power. Whether he’s driving around trying to find that new restaurant, or trying to fix your phone or his TV set, never tell him: “you don’t know what you’re doing,” smile instead and give him a thumbs up.
8. Men are self-conscious about their weight too. They don’t like having a beer belly or those extra love handles, so don’t squeeze them and say “oh how cute!!” No man wants to be your teddy bear, he wants to be your grizzly bear and rock your world.
9. A man can flirt around with 54 girls per day, but right before he goes to bed he only thinks about that one girl he truly cares about; whether it’s a girl he broke up with 7 years ago or his current lover or his best friend’s girl.
10. You’re not playing smart by telling a man: “Umm, you know what? . . . never mind, forget about it.” You’re not being a tease; you’re being stupid, because he will jump to a conclusion so far from what you were actually thinking . . . following that, hell may break loose.
11. Never talk about your ex-boyfriends. Men hate it. Their imaginations will run wild too. On that note, never tell your man that you’re friendly with your Ex; his mind registers it as: “my Ex and I still hook up every now and then”.
12. When a man asks to meet your parents, don’t stop him. You never know, two years down the line you could be begging him to meet your parents are he’ll be refusing . . . think about it.
13. No girl likes an emotionless man. The key here is moderation, so don’t keep trying to provoke your man in order to get a reaction out of him. If he’s provoked enough, you’ll be getting much more than a heated temper (and no girl likes that either).
14. When a girl says “no” to a guy, he usually interprets it as “try again later”. When a girl says “yes”, he interprets it as “I want you to f*** me”. There’s no such thing as being too hard to get, but there is such thing as being too accessible. Men don’t like accessible girls, they enjoy the thrill of the chase and prefer a girl that’s a challenge to him and unreachable to guys before him.
15. Although they will deny this, men are even bigger and worse gossipers than woman. They have the power to spread a story across the face of the earth faster than a woman can put her shirt back on. That being said, men cannot keep secrets that women tell them.
16. it’s good and smart to test a guy before you can believe and trust him. Make sure that doesn’t go on for too long though. Distrust on the long run is interpreted as low self-esteem, and low self-esteem is a big turn off for any man.
17. When a man has had a rough day, he’d rather be left alone to lick his wounds (caveman style). If you’re privileged enough, he will share his problems with you. Don’t nag, don’t philosophize, don’t give advice and don’t breathe. Just listen to him and be there for him.
18. Although they may not show it, it’s not easy for a guy to move on and let go of his girlfriend after a breakup; especially if they’ve been together for over 2 years.
19. During Courtship:
If a girl really makes a guy suffer, it would be tremendously hard for him to let go of her.
Men are willing to do anything to capture the attention of a girl they like.
20. If your relationship is serious, it is more likely that the man loves you more than you love him; so if a man tells you he loves you once every 34 months, no need to pop an ovary, it still means he loves you. Focus on a man’s actions, not his words.
21. Never dig into your man’s personal belongings without asking first. Whether it’s his phone, laptop, sock drawer; if you’re looking to find something, trust me you will and you most probably won’t like it.
22. Don’t open Pandora’s Box unless you’re ready to face the consequences. Also, if you snoop around, don’t tell him or he’ll a) lose respect for you or b) begin snooping through your phone every single day just to spite you.
23. Men hate it when their woman is wearing too much make up and her hair is full-on coiffed with half a bottle of hairspray squirted into it. Men like to run their fingers through your soft hair without requiring a wrench to pull their hand out of your head. They also like to play with your face and kiss your cheeks without hearing “eeeeek! you’re ruining my make up!” men interpret excess make up as a) clown in circus or b) hooker in brothel.
24. Even if they don’t admit it, men do not appreciate it when they buy you a 2000 dollar gift then receive a 200 dollar gift from you. That spells: G-O-L-D-D-I-G-G-E-R!
25. When you want to “teach” your man something, do it in private. In public, they must appear to know everything. On that note, never try to emasculate your man in front of his friends or family; he will hate you for that. His friends will hate you for that. His family will hate you for that. They will all encourage him to dump you. You cannot be a dominatrix; be a lady instead.
26. If a man says “I’ll call you” and he doesn’t, it doesn’t mean he forgot, it doesn’t mean he lost your number, it doesn’t mean he had a family emergency, and it doesn’t mean he’s lying dead in the hospital. It means he simply didn’t want to call you. Why? Who cares!
27. Always be direct with a man. Never use mixed signals. If you want to get what you want, don’t say “yes” when you mean “no” or “go ahead” when you mean “stay” or “I don’t mind” when you mean “don’t you dare”. Be a woman, not a silly little girl.
28. Every man is a pedophile to some degree. A man loves it when his woman acts like a baby and he loves her timidity, innocence and purity. Don’t mistake these characteristics for “naïve, stupid, ignorant and weak” – men hate that.
29. Men love a sexy, sultry, elegant woman who turns people’s heads when she walks into a room. Sometimes though, men prefer it if you wore your jogging suit or ripped jeans with a pair of Converse All Stars, a pony tail and no makeup.
30. Most men don’t mind if you’re short. They will mind if you’re fat though. When a man tells you that you just need to “work out at the gym”, that’s his polite way of telling you “you need to lose weight!” no man likes a scrawny, boney, semi-anorexic, breastless, buttless skeleton either.
31. When you threaten your man that you will “unleash the bitch” in you, you are not intimidating him at all. Instead, he is a) disgusted, b) secretly laughing at you, and c) possibly not even listening to your empty threats and growling. On that note, a man hates a woman that loses her composure. Shouting and screaming is a big no-no! If you want to get your point across, think Al Pacino from the Godfather part I: calm and terrifying.
32. Men hate women’s drunken alter ego. Whether she becomes aggressive, emotional, out of control, or plain weird, they just hate it. They especially hate it when they have to watch you vomit while holding your hair back – that’s your best friend’s job.
33. Fact: Married men tend to have a longer life expectancy than single men, but married men are the ones more willing to die.
“As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!” Coco Chanel